malfunction
What the f??? I've realized that I think my worst enemy isn't fear but complete Apathy! It's horrible. I've been drowning in Despondency, Apathy, and Fatigue for about 4 days now. Ok, yes, there is a very good chance that this is related to that certain female cycle. The numbers add up to the sum total of the zone of notorious mood swings, relentless fatigue, constant irritation, and random fits of crying because of a commercial, a comment or because I have to learn the song "Danny Boy." For the love of God, that song will tear your heart out. p.s. the only thing that saved me was the muppets version of Danny Boy. But I could even handle these random outbursts of tears, annoying irritations, and unbridled emotions better if I wasn't also ensconced in the murky, muggy "cloud of Apathy and Fatigue."
So not only does the cloud completely take the wind out of my sails to do ANYTHING - including putting my laundry away, taking out the recycling and making the bed, but it also certainly doesn't help my forwarding of my goals and stuff. So it led me to think, "Am I the only one who goes through this?" "I mean, everyone else seems to just be going along, getting tons of things done, forwarding their life purpose. What's wrong with me? " It can feel very isolating.
So I'm determined to get some coping mechanisms for this tidal wave of "why bother??!" when it hits so I don't feel like I've AGAIN wasted 4 days of my life. Caffeine helps. Although on Tuesday I had 2 cups of coffee, a sugar free red bull, and a cosmic cranberry kombucha and I still passed out at 3pm...what the f?? Nothing kills my game like apathy and fatigue. Although I must say, I'm getting a new appreciating for the afternoon nap.
I know the spiritual answer is to just "not resist what is and allow the apathy." But then, honestly, I just feel like a lame slug.
So I'm drinking lots of water, eating lots of veggies, and enjoying an afternoon cup of green tea( after the nap, of course. Hopefully this will end in a couple of days. If anyone reading this has any other coping tools for this little droopy time, I'd be ever so grateful.
magic
But even while stumbling through the apathy fog, I still have to perform my shows. And last night, as it happens, the audience gives back to me when I need it. DNA Sings played last night and we had a swarm of love shower us. Particularly these two fellows. They looked like bruising burley guys but underneath it all they were big teddy bears. One fellow in particular looked like he had seen his share of bars wan't far away from being homeless but he was beaming with joy. But then he donated quite a large sum of money to our tip jar ( so you can't judge a book by it's cover) and said that he was a harmonica player and loved my harmonica playing. He told Dave that he LOVED his guitar playing. I think he called Dave "iconic." The burley fellows said that they had not the best of days and we lifted them out of their funk. When the music I play lifts people up, maybe out of whatever sadness or apathy they were feeling that day it is the biggest reward of them all.
views on the news
Simply can't escape the Charlie Sheen fascination. Is he the new revolution embodied? Standing up to the establishment, getting the people behind him on Twitter, refusing to be intimidated or bullied, using the media to forward his cause. Or is he really just bi-polar and about ready to crash into a mountain?
There is clearly an uproar happening in the rest of the world. Revolutionaries are using social networking formats to bring down dictatorships and unjustness in faster more efficient ways than we've ever seen. I'm certainly not putting Sheen in the same category as these transformational world changes, but it's definitely got me looking at all sides.
